


I'd Really Love to See You Tonight

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-18
Updated: 2014-05-18
Packaged: 2018-01-25 16:09:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1654544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She didn’t have to be a closed book with James; had never been.  But once the words came out of her mouth there was no going back.  Why she was scared of that, Alex didn’t quite understand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'd Really Love to See You Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> The truth is that I didn’t bother watching the finale. Not that being a CM fan for the past decade didn’t give me some idea of how this was going to go. The rest of it I gathered from gifs on Tumblr and conversations with good friends…and I don’t like it. Not that I expected I would. Most will be struck from any kind of head canon for me.

She didn’t have a key. She had a key somewhere surely but couldn’t find it at the moment. It was late, she didn’t want to frighten him by ringing the bell but Alex had little choice. It was pouring outside; the rain followed her from DC to Boston. She buzzed the bell to James’ second floor walkup. 

The whole area was filled with Harvard people. Those who taught there, worked there, and went to school there. School was over for the semester and after a two week break summer classes would start. She didn’t even know if he was teaching summer classes. They hadn’t talked much in the past couple of months. 

Alex was really going through something and didn’t know what it was. James had always been her rock, even when he was halfway around the world and she only saw him on a computer monitor. Now he was so close and the words just weren’t there. She knew there was a part of him that was a avoiding her too. Not because he didn’t want to help but because he was afraid he might not be able to. 

Alex hit the buzzer again, knowing she would give up and catch a cab to a hotel if his voice didn’t come down in a few minutes. It was the time of year where the nights were still chilly and the rain wasn’t helping. It was perfect for sleeping and James Blake slept hard. He always had; it was one of the five million things Alex loved about him pretty much from their first intimate moments. She and James had countless sleepovers before they became sexual. 

He was a doctor, he was tired, and her job had no hours. So they would meet at one apartment or the other for a bite to eat, some wine, and crash out together. The first year of their relationship was conducted pretty much just that way. Alex thought that was so awesome, and it only became more so when they added sex to the equation.

“Hello?” his sleepy voice came over the intercom. “Hello?”

“I think I lost my keys. Actually, right now I'm not entirely sure I ever had a set of keys and I'm downstairs standing suspiciously outside of an apartment door.”

“If anyone looks at you weird, just flash your FBI credentials. Tell them it’s official business. I’ll come down and let you in.”

“You can just buzz me up.”

“Nope, the buzzer’s broken.” James said. “It has been for a couple of days. The campus crew should have it back up and running by the weekend, supposedly. I’ll be right down.”

“I wake you up and now this.”

“Hold that thought, babe; I'm coming.”

James had no idea what his wife was doing there. Was there a case in the area and she decided to stop by? That didn’t make a lot of sense, Alex would’ve called and told him she was heading in his direction. For the past month, plans to be together were thwarted at every turn. Between her BAU schedule, which was a bit insane, and finals and commencement at Harvard, there just wasn’t any time. 

There probably hadn’t been much time in the month before that either but James was so busy with his seminars and classes. It was only in the little down time he had that he was able to miss and worry about his wife. Then he’d call and have to leave a voicemail. Never wanting to upset her, James would always say he just missed her and wanted to talk. That didn’t seem to take priority over getting on a jet and obliterating the bad guys. 

Bitter wasn’t the word he would use to describe what he was feeling. He was just disappointed, and a little tired of being apart. Being married to a workaholic was bearable; Alex had to deal with the same thing on her side. But it was going to be much easier when they slept in the same house and lived in the same town. 

James suspected she would turn down the Harvard position. When she finally got the BAU call, Supervisory Special Agent Alex Blake was back. He knew how long and hard she climbed to be a contender again. Harvard was tempting, it would be to anyone in their right mind. But the FBI, the BAU, was the pie in the sky.

He opened the front door and there she was. Alex was standing there with an overnight bag looking as if she’d been through the fire. James took the bag from her shoulder, putting it on his own. Then he held out his hand and brought her into the building. It was late; even his loud downstairs neighbor was quiet. 

They walked up to the apartment together and James locked the door behind them. Alex just sat down on the chair. She’d been there a few times before, not as many as a wife should be to see her husband but enough to know the layout of the place. It was two bedrooms and decorated to James’ tastes. 

There wasn’t a lot of Alex there unless you count the pictures in the bedroom, but this was his little slice of heaven. He had his framed album covers, his black and white photography, and even a glass cabinet filled with the knick-knacks from all over the world he'd collected in Doctors without Borders. The place was almost too filled, and nothing seemed to go together. It was so very James.

“Do you want coffee or tea?” he asked, stifling a yawn and scratching his head.

“Mmm, tea.”

“Something to help you sleep?”

“Chamomile is fine.”

He went about his work in the kitchen wondering about how he would ask her what was going on. There were a few times in their relationship where they couldn’t find the words. Nothing was perfect, and it was something the Blakes had to work through as well. James wanted Alex to pursue all of her dreams; everything she worked so hard to get back. 

Even if that meant that they were rarely together. The load had been heavier for the past year. She was doing double duty in the FBI and at Georgetown. He was a medical professor in one of the most prestigious schools in the country. 

Time for romance was out…time for conversation was minimal. Planned weekends were quickly unplanned. Phone calls were missed. This change was supposed to bring them closer together but it did just the opposite.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” she said, leaning back and closing her eyes. The hour flight seemed longer than that. The cab ride to Cambridge was exhausting.

“There used to be a time when I wasn’t asleep at this hour.” James turned off the kettle when it whistled. “Then I got old. Do you remember staying up all night on the fire escape of that building I used to live in?”

“I do.” Alex nodded. “We drank cheap wine out of _Peanuts_ jelly jar glasses with your neighbor and went through the list of the 50 top hospitals in the nation. I never even got tired.”

“We were kids.” He brought the tea out to the living room, sitting down on the couch. “We’re not kids anymore, Alex. I fell in love with you that night. I fell in love with you the night before talking to you from a phone bank in the hospital. I fell in love with you the night after when you made that questionable Salisbury steak.”

“My Salisbury steak was pretty good.” Alex’s facial expression changed but she didn’t open her eyes. “It was my mother’s recipe.”

“I think you missed a few crucial ingredients.” James smiled.

“You jerk.” She almost smiled, reaching out to thump his leg but missing.

The room got quiet again. Alex opened her eyes, sat up, and took her teacup. Everything was on the tip of her tongue, everything, and it was weighing her down with a force she hadn’t felt in a long time. She didn’t have to be a closed book with James; had never been. But once the words came out of her mouth there was no going back. Why she was scared of that, Alex didn’t quite understand.

“I wish you would’ve called. I would’ve met you at the airport; the time wouldn’t have mattered to me. I know sometimes you don’t even know when you’re coming but you could’ve called from Logan.”

“I resigned from the FBI, its effective immediately.” Straight and to the point was one way to start the conversation.

“Are you alright?” James asked. He didn’t know what else to say. There were plenty of things to say but he couldn’t quite grasp them at the moment. James and Alex had a million conversations over the years, and would hopefully have a million more. This was one he never expected to engage in. She hadn’t always been an agent. After all these years though, it was something he associated with who Alex was.

“A case went downhill quickly in Texas. Morgan was shot. Spencer was shot in the neck. The situation was touch and go for some time. I tried to keep him alive with everything I had in me. I wanted to call you; I wanted to call but I didn’t even know which way was up. Making sure that my teammates were OK became my number one priority.”

“I'm so sorry.” James reached for her hands. “I'm glad everyone is going to be alright. Every time I close my eyes at night, I worry about you. I know we said a long time ago we wouldn’t overanalyze the job but…the only time I pray, Alex, is when I'm thinking about you going out there after those maniacs.”

“I'm not going to do it anymore.” She shook her head. “First John Curtis and now this. I know, I know this job can be dangerous. I just want to sleep at night. I haven’t really been sleeping at night like I used to. The FBI was my dream and I climbed over large obstacles to get where I am. That doesn’t mean the decisions that I made were right.”

“The decisions that you made were fine. What we want doesn’t always turn out to be what we need. And you know as well as I do that sometimes when you hear the word no enough times you're going to do everything in your power to turn it into a yes. Maybe you didn’t want it as much as you thought you did until someone said you couldn’t have it. Just because it turned out to be the wrong path for you will never negate the work you put in to get there.”

“I should’ve been working on us.”

“Us is just fine.” James said.

“How much have we seen each other in the last year?” Alex asked.

“Probably just as much as we saw each other the year before when I was in four different countries doing medical work. I settled down and you left on a jet plane…it’s the Blake marriage way.” He smiled some.

“I miss you.”

She got up from the chair, moving onto the couch and into her husband’s arms. Alex sighed as James wrapped his arms around her. Damn, it had really been too long since they held onto each other. If they sat on the couch like this for the next month it still wouldn’t be enough.

“I miss you too.” He kissed her forehead.

“Can we stay in bed all day tomorrow?” Alex asked.

“Absolutely.”

“Can we stay in bed all week?”

“I will cater to your every whim.” James replied. “But then, Dr. Blake, we need to get you out and about. How does a road trip sound?”

“Where will we go?”

“Who cares? We’ll go together. We’ll rent a convertible and drive with the top down and sing Supreme songs at the top of our lungs. Maybe we can drive to New Orleans, or Denver, or whatever town has the largest Waffle House in America. We could drive to Halifax or Calgary or…no, I was gonna say Greenland but we can't drive to Greenland.”

“Greenland is out.” Alex said.

“We can clear our heads out on the road.”

“We can do naughty things in Holiday Inns across North America.”

“We can do whatever we want.”

“We…” she sighed. “I'm still going to teach at Georgetown in the fall.”

“I'm still going to teach at Harvard.” James said. “I'm getting a new apartment though. The next place won't be University housing. I need enough space for both of us.”

“That’s a really good idea.” Alex nodded. “Are we ever going to be together again?”

“It’s only 15 or 20 so years before we retire. I'm thinking California wine country; a small vineyard and a little romantic restaurant. We’ll call it the Napa Plan. Maybe we’ll adopt some dogs and I can write a novel. I'm definitely going to grow a beard. I've been waiting all my life to grow a beard.”

“You can become a small country doctor and I can write the novel.” Alex said. “It’ll become quite popular with the bohemian bourgeoisie intelligentsia set.”

“I really want to write a novel.” James said.

“OK, we’ll both write novels. Then whoever sells the most copies never has to load the dishwasher again.”

“You're on.”

“It’s time for bed.” Alex said. 

She slowly extracted herself from his arms and stood up from the couch. Alex was five shades past exhausted but wasn’t sure she’d sleep tonight. Being there with James beat all alone in DC Corridor suburbs. 15 to 20 years was a long time to wait…they would have to come up with a better solution soon enough. That wouldn’t be tonight. Alex had made enough tough decisions for the time being. Now it was onto the easy things; being with James had always been so easy.

“I suddenly have an itch for a glass of red wine and a golden retriever.” James stood too, wrapping his arms around his wife’s waist.

“Someday.” She put her hands on top of his as they walked back to the bedroom. “The Napa Plan is certainly one of your better ideas.”

“And considering all the good ones I’ve had over the years, that’s saying something.”

***


End file.
